Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
