You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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