I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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