i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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