This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
