I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize