Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize