I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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