A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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