I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have fence marks all over my body
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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