i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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