They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
