just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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