My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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