Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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