I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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