And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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