I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize