True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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