Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
