Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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