Betty ford says i'm here all night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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