so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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