kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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