Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
