Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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