Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
