fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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