Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
