You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
