AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
