standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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