she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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