i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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