don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the liver wants what the liver wants
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
