You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
