fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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