he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
