A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize