i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
