a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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