I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize