I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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