Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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