So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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