her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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