He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
