She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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