i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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