So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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