Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
