she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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