Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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