Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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