I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
