Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
