Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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