he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
