so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
