Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Someone shit on the floor
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
