She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
